At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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