i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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