THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
