I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
