This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
