I'm lost and stupid without you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
