so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
