my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
