Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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