If i come over, it means nothing
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
