i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my being single is dangerous.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
