If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
