it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
