My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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