I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
