I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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