just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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