his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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