She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
