This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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