I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
