happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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