he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
