I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
