My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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