I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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