I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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