barbara walters just said penis...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
