i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
