gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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