You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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