I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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