there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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