i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
