I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
