I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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