My hand turned me down
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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