State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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