the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
