How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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