Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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