the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
