im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
