Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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