I wish my penis had an off switch
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
