called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
