the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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