I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
