Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
