she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
ttyl tear gas
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
