I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
