She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
