He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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