we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
