Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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