is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
